***au where Sirius raises Harry and sends him howlers when anything remotely interesting happens to him*** …
Sirius: “YOUNGEST SEEKER IN A CENTURY? BY GOLLY! WHO IS THE FIRST MATCH? YOU BEAT THE EVERLOVING STUFFING OUT OF THOSE SLYTHERIN NO GOOD ROTTEN BLOODY…”
Remus in background: “SIRIUS! I will not have you..”
*howler burns itself out*
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Sirius: “YOU LET THAT LAVENDER LACED PRAT TRY TO MEND YOUR ARM? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I’M COMING UP THERE TO MEET WITH THIS SOGGY SHAMPOO ADVERTISEMENT OF A ‘WIZARD’ AND I SWEAR ON MERLIN’S HAIRY WRINKLED OLD- ”
Remus in background: “SIRIUS! Now, that’s in bad taste and I will not have…”
*howler combusts*
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Sirius: “YOUR HEAD WAS SEEN FLOATING IN HOGSMEADE?! BRILLIANT! OH IF I’D SEEN THE LOOK ON SNIVELLY’S FACE..HOW DID YOU DO IT? DID YOU HAVE YOUR DAD’S-”
Remus in background: “STOP! Now, Sirius. You know better than to mention-”
*howler fizzles and dies*
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Sirius: “HELL YEAH! OUTFLYING A BLOODY DRAGON?! GENIUS! YOUR FATHER WOULD’VE BEEN SO PROUD! YOU STICK IT TO THAT KRUM LOSER! YOU TELL HIM I SAID HIS WAND ARM CAN-”
Remus in background: “Now, Sirius. Perhaps you should think before y-”
*howler turns to ash*
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Sirius: “HIGH INQUISITOR?????!! YOU WAIT TIL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT JUMPED UP, PINK SMEARED, YELLOW-BELLIED TOAD! I SWEAR ON YOUR FATHER’S GRAVE THAT OLD BAT BETTER HAVE A CLEAN PAIR OF KNICKERS HANDY BECAUSE WHEN I-”
Remus in background: “While I agree with you, Sirius, perhaps we’d better tone it d-”
*howler burns a hole in the table*
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Sirius: “HARRY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? Stay with him. Remus and I are on the way.”
*howler turns black, disintegrates*
Remus: Okay so James, you research on the history of-
Sirius: Remus, what did we talk about? You need a break from always taking up these projects. Stop taking initiative for a while. You can just report the presentation. Leave it to us.
Remus:…..*sigh* I feel very concerned but fine.
~5 minutes before presentation~
Remus: *reviewing the presentation slides* What the fuck?!
Remus, Whispers to Sirius: The project was about portkeys, Pads! Not brooms!
Sirius: ….wait it was about that?!? James!
James: Don’t blame me! I told you it was about transportation stuff! I wasn’t exactly paying attention!
The nasty little brat is at it again. Shame of my flesh. How I birthed such a pig headed snail testicle is beyond me. Do you know what my eldest has done now? Well, Diary, I shall tell you (though I shan’t be able to without spitting!). He has ridden home atop a most horrifying muggle contraption. He called it a motorbike. And to think, he made mention to me he was saving his allowance for a new broomstick! That lying little…ugh! This shall be the last straw. I simply cannot take these shenanigans any longer. Pulling up to the most ancient house with smoke as black as tar and quite an astonishing cacophony. I tell you! I have removed his name from the most noble tapestry and he is to be gone in the morning. No doubt he’ll run straight to those muggle loving Potters. GOOD RIDDANCE!!!
